There is no such thing as standing still. I am constantly turning, involuntarily twitching, and painfully shaking. Even when those cease, being Still is ruined by my need for breathing. Still is the enemy. My entire being was created to contradict it. depression, anxiety, and pain to last my life. And all through out my life I was told to be still. They thought it would give me peace, yet all it did was drive me into my mind. Into the chaos of to much love, to much depth, to much lies, and too much pain. Nothing will ever truly be still, they should have said calm. There can be a calm on my body or in the ocean. It can give the possibility of some peace. At least a peace of mind. I wish that it was the term to describe the way I speak. But people usually use the word aggressive or assertive. I am described and categorized as blunt. Something that hits you and knocks the wind out of your lungs. Unpleasant. How can I be calm, how can I be still? I get lonely being the way I am or being who I am. People don’t see past my protection because its made out of disaster. I’m starting to get tired. I’m not sure tired equals calm but I’ll take the calm over the chaos. I just can’t take the loneliness.