Things That Pop Into My Mind


I like the smell of rain 

when it hits the pavement.

I don’t enjoy puddles 

because I always forget 

to buy shoes that are meant 

for jumping in them.

I have never envied others 

for having siblings because 

I knew if I had one,

they would be the better 

one.

I could stare out a window 

for hours, just spacing out 

at the nothingness.

Daydreaming while standing or 

sitting, creating worlds that

truthfully I never want

to become reality.

In middle school I was so 

bullied, that I changed my 

handwriting five times,

all as an attempt to get them

to like something about me.

I don’t know what my natural

writing looks like, since

when I don’t think about it,

it looks like five different fonts.

There is this reoccurring 

dream I have that I watch 

myself walk down stairs.

All in slow motion, then

suddenly,

I see a knife stab me in the 

chest.

It restarts, same snail speed.

Leaving me feeling anything but 

terrified.

What I do fear is fate.

Not mine but his and hers.

He’s gullible and enrolled in

the military.

She thinks life is like a

game of “follow the leader.”

Both big hearted, 

both scared of their past 

truths.

Afraid of being alone 

with themselves.

I know that I’m not 

going to ever work like 

my mother does from 9-5.

My body is broken and

there is no fixing it

with doctors, medicine,

herbal therapy, yoga, veganism,

vampirism, or detox program.

There are times when days 

go by and I realize that I haven’t 

eaten.

So no Shelly, I’m not thinking of 

children anytime soon.

I somehow have a zit on

my ear.

That won’t stop me from

picking at it like the rest.

I’m not afraid of confrontation,

in fact when it happens,

I get a thrill from fixing problems 

or even putting people 

in their place.

I want someone to hold me 

but I’m scared that when someone 

does they will find my intimacy 

repulsive.

This is my madness.

The FAQ sheet of yours 

truly.

Ramblings of a chronically ill,

pajama party loving,

chocolate eating,

wise-beyond-her-years,

20 year old woman.

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